To Build A Life
by x-backtoblack-x
Summary: Song fic - To Build A Home  The Cinematic Orchestra . Santana thinks back over the life she's had, the love she's felt and how it can so easily be torn away.


This is my first song fic, but it's Santana's life memories.

Song is To Build A Home but The Cinematic Orchestra (and if you've never heard It before, go and listen now, or when reading.)

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

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_There is a house built out of stone_

_Wooden floors, walls and window sills_

_Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust_

_This is a place where I don't feel alone_

_This is a place where I feel at home_

_And I built a home_

_For you_

_For me_

Santana Pierce Lopez wearily made her way up the short path from the garage to the stone clad house, or stone clad mansion in some people's eyes, her stiff bones and aging muscle not allowing her movements to be as swift or fluid as she once remembered.

She fumbled slightly with the keys to the door, arthritis slowly starting to creep into her joints, but finally managed to let herself into the spacious entrance hall, smiling as the familiar aromas of home filled her nostrils, her finely lined face crinkling further, though somehow, even as the wrinkles creased her face and her lines deepened, the smile made her look younger, more like the Santana she had been five years ago or even ten or twenty years ago.

Her short heels clicked as she stepped across the hard oak floor, her steps being less cautious than they had been outside, the confines of the four walls of this house bringing her to a sudden calm, just as it had always done. She reached the coat rack finally, just outside the kitchen door, and unbuttoned her black trench coat, shrugging it off her shoulders before hanging it neatly on the hook with word "Santana Pierce Lopez" written in a loopy font, faded slightly after all these years and covered in a light film of dust, as was the rest of the furnishings in the house, but still just as visible to the Latina, who was sure she'd be able to see it even if it faded away entirely.

It had been written by her wife, almost fifty seven years ago, when the pair had both finished college and moved into their first house together, Brittany insisting that by writing their names above the coat hooks it would stop them from getting mixed up over who's was who's, as they had done several times – and much to the blondes annoyance – during their college years together. Their first house hadn't been much, even with Santana's parents paying for it, but it had been the first place they'd called home at the tender age of twenty four, their lives and dreams all lying ahead of them in their future together.

At the age of twenty six Santana had watched as Brittany added a third hook to the wall, in taking sharply every time the clumsy blond almost nailed herself to the wall instead. This time as the pale skinned dancer took the time to draw out the name in her fanciest hand writing it had been the name "Alexis Sophia Pierce Lopez" that had been added to the rack, Santana beaming along with her wife as she lifted her new born daughter up once Brittany was done, explaining that once she was big enough she'd be hanging her jackets there, next to her mom and mama's coats.

By thirty Santana had watched twice more as hooks and names were added to that wall, each time holding her breath as the hammer was brought out, and cooing with her new born baby once her wife had completed the task of adding the names, first "Mason Antonio Pierce Lopez" and the third and final time "Anita Heather Pierce Lopez" being the name added, thus completing the one thing in the world that never failed to make Santana smile, her family.

_Until it disappeared_

_From me_

_From you_

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust_

As Santana made her way slowly through the spacious kitchen, with its white and black tiled floor and modern décor and into the warmer looking living room, she couldn't help but release a weary sigh, now in a new home to the one they'd first moved into after college, one they'd moved to much later in life in fact, but they had made sure to carry memories such at the hand-made coat rack with them.

Most of their memories however, had been carried with them through a different medium; pictures, and as Santana looked slowly around the cosy space she'd insisted on creating to relax in, her eyes narrowing, again deepening her fine lines, to try and make out some of the further pictures, her eyesight having deteriorated rapidly in her senior years, probably due to her refusal to wear glasses in high school.

Looking back on the old photos she felt another smile crawl reluctantly onto her face, this time more of a bittersweet one though, as the photos on the wall, starting at pictures of just her and Brittany in their younger – and older – days, first at a beach, then Disney land, then their wedding, their honeymoon, and an assortment of other pictures of the couple, leading on to pictures of her three children's first birthdays, through to their first days of school and their high school and college graduations, to the lives of her grandchildren, documented in a similar fashion, but with nothing past the first day of Levi's first day of school brought back an odd mixture of emotion, knowing that it was something that was slowly slipping away from her.

Of course she still saw and skyped her children and grandchildren regularly, but she wasn't naive, and was aware that they had their own lives now, which was what she had raised them to have after all. She, along with Brittany, had always thought them that independence was key in their lives, and she now knew that that teaching had paid off, Alexis and Mason becoming a lawyer and a surgeon respectively, with Anita following in her mom's footsteps and pursuing a career in dancing, something Santana knew meant more to her wife than any of the other small, or big, moments ever could. So she couldn't, and didn't, blame them form flying the nest when the time came, and even though she frequently became lonely, she never once held it against them.

_Out in the garden where we planted the seeds_

_There is a tree that's old as me_

_Branches were sewn by the color of green_

_Ground had arose and passed its knees_

_By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top_

_I climbed the tree to see the world_

_When the gusts came around to blow me down_

_I held on as tightly as you held onto me_

_I held on as tightly as you held onto me_

After what felt like an hour Santana finally rose once more, this time towards the double doors in the living room that lead out to the small garden. Small because neither Brittany nor Santana were avid gardeners, and thus only two plants stood tall, towering over the fenced space, and casting a shadow upon the house.

The tall Sycamore tree's were as old as Santana, or almost anyway. they had been a school project when the girls were seven; the teacher had brought in sycamore seeds, one for each pupil, and they were given the task of looking after it, first in small pots, and eventually planting them somewhere in the town. Santana could still remember how Brittany's face had lit up as her sea blue eyes found Santana's oxen brown ones and her features lit up.

"Hear that Tanny, we're going to be these tree's moms!" The girl had cooed, causing her best friend to giggle. "Though I think we should look after ours together, like make them brother and sister, and plant them together and stuff." The blonde added matter of factly.

"Why…?" The Latina questioned, before being interrupted by the teacher, who handed the girls their potted seeds before continuing down the rows of desks. "Why do ours get to be brother and sister?" She asked again, knowing that sometimes Brittany needed to be reminded what the question was.

"Because silly. We're wives!" The blonde girl reminded her friend in a tone that said 'obviously' and 'don't you remember' all at the one time. "Or we're gonna be anyway when your Aubela stops getting mad at you for playing brides with me." She added, frowning slightly to herself as she wondered why it was that they weren't allowed to get married when they were playing at Santana's granny's house.

"Oh, well yea, we can plant them together then." The dark haired girl replied with a genuine grin, feeling kind of silly for now knowing right away what her best friend was talking about.

And so they did. They waited for eight long weeks – in which time they named the trees Brittana one and Brittana two, both girls being proud of the idea to put their names together – and eventually, on a warm spring day Brittany's father had taken them to an enclosed area in through some bushes on the far end of the park and helped them dig and plant the two trees, chuckling when his daughter hugged the girl beside her and kissed her on the cheek, letting him witness before his very eyes as the feistiest seven year old he'd ever met turned to mush.

The tree's soon became forgotten though, the last day of that summer being the last time the girls had come to visit them before starting into the next grade. They'd still mention them occasionally, being silly about how they had two kids, but as time went on this too became forgotten, Santana telling Brittany that if they kept saying that they had tree babies they'd never get boys to like them, ignoring Brittany's reminder that they were going to get married anyway so it didn't matter what boys thought.

It wasn't until they were seniors, eleven years later, that they finally returned to the spot where their tree's now stood towering above them, swaying in the light autumn breeze that drew itself lazily through the tree's and girls hair.

"Britt-Britt, why'd you bring me here?" Santana had questioned quietly, her voice barely audible over the wind and the sound of scattering leaves. "I really… I just want to go home." She murmured, leaning into the girl that towered over her, feeling a sudden need for support at any thought of what had just happened.

"I came here to show you our first babies San." Brittany responded in a whisper, bringing her arm up to wrap around her girlfriends petite frame. "When we were seven years old we didn't need your Aubuela's approval to be happy and plan a future Santana, and we don't now, because we have one another and that's all we'll ever need, not your family, not my family, not even the glee family, we have one another, and someday we'll have our own family too, and I'll never leave you, ever." The blond finished, reaching out her hand that wasn't wrapped around the Latina's back to hold her girlfriends hand in her own, squeezing it lightly.

"When did you get so smart?" Santana breathed airily into her girlfriends chest, feeling a lump rise in her throat as she was reminded of simpler times. Times when she had tree babies and plans for forever without worrying what people would think or without being afraid of the people that would try to stop her, try to tear away from her the one thing that could make her happy, times when love for the girl who was now wrapping herself protectively around Santana's light frame was all that mattered in the world.

"I got smart when you told me I could be Tana." The blond murmured in response, shocking Santana, as she was sure her comment had gone unheard. "I became smart because you reminded me that I'm a unicorn and that I can do anything… well so can you. You're a unicorn as well Santana Lopez, and someday you're going to be my unicorn wife, and we're going to have unicorn babies, and someday, when we're old and grey and our little unicorns have grown up and have their own lives, we're going to move back to Lima and we're going to build a house right here, beside these trees, and we're going to show Lima, Ohio that we're better than it, we're better than any place on earth because we're together." Brittany finished, her strong confident speech faltering as it came to a close, the emotion of everything that had happened in the past few days finally spilling a little.

_And I built a home_

_For you_

_For me_

So they had.

Santana had never thought Brittany was serious about moving back to Lima, both of them finding that New York was more than they'd ever imagined, but the blond had had the next forty eight years to convince her, and so they had, Brittany bringing her dance studio with her, and Santana downsizing her law firm, eventually giving it up completely to be with her wife.

Santana had never thought Brittany would be right either, she'd never thought that she could be happy back in Lima after all she'd went through in this small town, but she was, she spent ten years being happy in Lima Ohio with her wife, spending days lounging and reading, or dining out under the sycamore trees reminiscing over other long forgotten childhood memories.

She had been happy, believe it or not her last years in Lima had been the happiest of her life.

_Until it disappeared_

_From me_

_From you_

When she had said her last years in Lima had been the happiest of her life, she'd of course meant her last years spiritually. Of course she was still here in body, wandering around this grand empty house, visiting her children and grandchildren whenever she could, keeping herself busy with new recipes everyday but she wasn't here, not all of her.

Her soul was missing.

Her soul had been taken from her slowly, ten years after they'd come to Lima to live out their last years together. Her soul and essence, her wife, had been diagnosed with senile dementia, or if specifics were to be brought into it Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease.

It had been quick. So quick in fact that Santana sometimes felt like she had merely blinked and missed the first symptoms. Within six months her soul was hanging by a thread, it's only lifeline being moments of clarity, a fire sparking in Brittany's now grey lifeless eyes if she was shown a certain picture, or told a certain story, or sometimes just from the tone of voice Santana used with her.

It hadn't been enough though. It had been too quick in the end. By the time Santana made it to the hospital, five minutes away, she was too late, too late to say goodbye, to wish her luck in whatever was to come, and to remind her one last time that she needed to wait for Santana to catch up with her.

As Santana fell into the chair next to the bed, her sweaty palms reaching blindly for the ice palms of her wife she suddenly felt it, just for a second she felt a warmth, and in that moment she whispered it, sure that it would only ever be her and Brittany that would hear;

"You need to wait on me Brittany Susan Pierce Lopez, you need to wait because I don't belong here anymore, and wherever you are you don't belong either. You told me when we were eighteen that when we were together it was better than any place on earth because we're together… so you need to wait for me, because right now neither of us are where we're meant to be."

And then Santana Pierce Lopes turned to dust.

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust_

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Done. I hope you liked it, and feel free to leave a review.


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